MERMAIDS
Little confession: I have aquaphobia. For me, this translates to a pronounced fear of underwater scenes and man-made objects associated with the deep, like wrecked ships (hi Titanic) and submarines. It’s an irrational fear and one that, obviously, leads me to believe that I died in an underwater accident in a previous life (since that’s not irrational).
I haven’t always been this way. The Titanic Reading Rainbow episode, where LeVar searches for treasure on a beach and the viewer meets the crew/little robots that first explored the Titanic, was once my favorite. I would watch and rewatch it over and over again,* and then one day I couldn’t anymore. I had to put a little mark on the VHS that had the episode so that I wouldn’t accidentally view it.
Truth be told, I’m not exactly sure at what age the phobia began to exhibit itself. I have memories of flipping through National Geographic and screaming every few pages (damn you NG for loving to feature deep sea spreads), but I think that was post-puberty. Anyhousen, it was definitely after I turned five since I have very pleasant memories of going on the Submarine Voyage at Disneyland in the early ’90s. I remember looking out of the round little windows and seeing mermaids (!!) and fish and being no more frightened of the ride than I was of It’s A Small World (which, looking back, is so dang scary!).
All of this is to say that when I first saw these photographs of the Weeki Wachee Springs mermaids I was both mesmerized and terrified. It’s a funny thing, this phobia. I often find myself at once drawn to and frightened by underwater images. But seeing as I’m a fan of exposure therapy, I gazed at those mermaid photos long and hard. Once the initial fear wore off, I found them stunning, hence my sharing them (and this little phobia) with you. The Weeki Wachee Springs almost went out of business thanks to the Disney World behemoth, but they’ve managed to stay afloat (pun intended) and the mermaids continue to be their biggest attraction (and have since 1947!). Photographer Annie Collinge says of the performers, “They are still local celebrities to many people.” And why wouldn’t they be? They are mermaids.
So, have I been working on conquering my fears? Yes…slowly. Last Winter my family and I went to Maui and after too many days sitting on the beach (yes, I’m that chicken), I finally swam out past the breakers and explored the reef with my parents and brother. And you know what? Athough a little frightening, it was also incredible! I saw humuhumu, eels, and beautiful coral. On a trip to the “fish bowl” a few days later I went diving (only 8 or so feet, mind you) to explore the coral towers. Surprisingly, it felt natural to swim like that. I left Hawaii actually eager to snorkel again! But it seems my aquaphobia extends far beyond the physical ocean. I still get tense when I see pictures of submarines and continue to keep my guard up when flipping through National Geographic. Someday I intend to watch the afeared (though once beloved!) Titanic Reading Rainbow episode. I can hear it calling my name from the VHS shelf downstairs. In time LeVar, in time.
*My Mom recorded the shows on multiple VHS tapes so we still have access to 16+ hours of LeVar Burton magic. Mr. Rogers too.
(via Wired)
I love this entry! I remember from MY childhood being mesmerized by the mermaids in Disneyland. I also remember a time when I also had aquaphobia…like with images of underwater. And then one day, Poof! It went away. Don’t know how or why. But it makes for a great read that you have one…though I’m sorry you have it!
I didn’t know you had it! But you’re lifeguard swimming woman! When did it go away?
Maybe feel the power of it coming and going, since it never sticks around all the time…only when it comes up…and then it goes. Stay in the middle wihtout labeling it as phobia, but actually what it is…and if it is nuancedly different the next time “it” which is not separate from anything else that passes by– that has a practice of being labeled good, bad or neutral. This phobia has no power to hurt you or help you…so it’s a great one to play with.
I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t what I am attempting with the sensations and the new ones I have labeled frightful and dangerous to my well being and bodily life. They may or may not “kill” me, but awareness is still in the middle of the experience…and it is the solid ground. Notice the entirety of the experience with sky-like awareness rather than only the one datum of what is labeled frightful…just a quick glimpse only…then return to the scheduled program of fear or whatever.
Notice in little moments that you are simply aware…where okayness always is open to everything that passes by.
With love,
AK
Be with it in openness so you don’t miss the thrill!
How did you dare to go in the water in Hawaii? Were you glad you did no matter what?
Do you expect you should not have fear? I’m learning that I thought such feelings/sensations should not be there, and tried to avoid, replace or indulge them as per the original life training. Now there is a retraining to live them as human and inseparable from everything that appears and disappears. Only that central awareness that you have all your life and never goes anywhere lives in the middle of everything, as everything and whatever we labeled it.
Enough already…I’m preaching to the choir of you, me and everything!
I love you!
AK